photozzz
So anyway I'll keep this quick. Dan's birthday and the Wilco concert was awesome, so here are some photos. A pciture is worth a thousand words right? I didn't take any photos during the concert because they would've all turned out crapola.
At the Pines restaurant/buffet in Observation City
Other (less important) guests.
Brendan and myself. Like most of the others, the idea of photos didn't thrill him in the slightest. Be prepared for more resigned-to-have-their-photo-taken faces.
Lula settles Dan's conundrum of a "birthday kiss.... or more beer? "with a vice-like grip.
Lula and Danya - I had to angle the camera up to show their faces - the outrage.
"This is the sore finger I was telling you about". I need better friends.
Jaegermeister congo line. The barmaid does this cool trick where she tips the first one over for a domino effect.
Werewolf in Perth meets the Blue Wonder. East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet..
Dan and his sister in sibling closeness. It really makes you wonder, what's the best way to hit on her? Ideas?
Yours Truly with his (much better looking) brother at Sandrino's for dinner before the Wilco concert.
no rly
A psychologist on the twin suicide of Jodie and Stephanie:
"So my only conclusion is that they must have been depressed."
NO REALLY? Thank God we have such geniuses in psychology.
Link
Saturday Night's Alright
...for fighting seeing friends off. Micheal spent his last saturday night in perth among the company of his friends - correction, spent some of his last saturday night with his friends. He spent the rest somewhere. Hence the complete lack of photos with him in it. Anyway, to end the photo drought, here are some from Saturday night (spoiler: I grin like an idiot in every photo I'm in - also, cocks):
The ubiquitious group shot. Note my choice of a manly pink polo - I would have to ignore the verbal slings and arrows of less open minded peers for the rest of the night.
Cocks
More cocks - an Englishman and Indian, united by their love of curry. Cue "I am Australian"
Colin and his girlfriend Sarah - a refreshingly confident and uninhibited woman
I flash my super excited smile - Dom cherishes the embrace of a guy in pink.
We procede to assault Sarah - wait what?
"She's got Kissing Fever, and the only cure is...tongue?"
By the way, dinner last Sunday was both fun and delicious Ange - thanks for the invite! Let's hope I can actually catch up with you next time :P Don't forget to send that wink to Gina ---> ;)
That's all folks!
Things I Want To Ask A Girl But Will Never Do So
Q: What's the deal with tampon disposal? When you pull out the used tampon, now soaked in what used to be the lining of your uterus, what the hell do you do with it? Flush it down the toilet? Bury it out in the yard somewhere? Are there special bins for them?
SOMEONE TELL ME I NEED TO KNOW
Most people would question what kind of sicko wants to know these things, but I for one am fascinated by experiences so alien to my own that I cannot possibly relate to them in any meaningful fasion, much like communicating with someone who lived thousands of years in the past. What is period pain like? What's it like having a custom bra fitting ? Did sexy and/or bi curious shop attendants oh-so-gently ease you into these (sexy lacy) custom bras, all the while softly mumuring comforting, yet strangely exciting, words of encouragement into your ear?
I'm trying to find the guy equivalent experience - that is, an experience completely unique to men. I would imagine it's peeing your name on someone's wall/property. What woman can relate to the visceral, primal pleasure of not only marking your name on someone's property, but doing so with your own urine?
YES THAT IS CORRECT I NEED MANY YEARS OF THERAPY
By the way Nic, I've finally sent you that Myspace friend's request. I noticed you asked me on Nov 23. Guess it's better late than never right? ;) And your Myspace is a glorious, sprawling, virtual shrine to 30 Seconds to Mars / Echelon. I was quite surpised to see the existence of such fervent and organised Echelon fan groups in existence in Australia, and more surprised to see that many of them are paramilitary in nature. This country is one tortured song away from a gigantic emo uprising, and I for one welcome this convenient opportunity to thin out their ranks, so to speak. I kid, I kid.
Maybe.
Anyway, in real life matters, Mike is leaving for the UK next week so we'll be seeing him off this saturday. He'll be gone for a year. Other than that, work is stressful and busy, but right now busy is good. Wilco is next sunday! Excitement!
P.S - Willing to answer any questions girls may have about guys/ guy experiences for the payment known in Mexico as "muchos smooches"
P.P.S - 2 new Wilco songs in the player - Please Be Patient With Me and What Light from their upcoming new album Sky Blue Sky.
Easter Conversations
As is usual in my family, and in many families, Easter is a time of family, food and good company. And as usual, seeing my extended family over Easter marks another staple of my family gathering - the interrogation, a checklist of questions and callous cruelty that makes dinner an exercise in temperament control. Longtime readers will no doubt spot them. A well rehearsed play of sorts - observe:
Act 2 Part I - The Dinner:
Dinner time, enter cast of family. They all sit down.
Uncle 1 leans over and prods Jason, a little roughly.
Uncle 1: Hey.
Jason looks at the assailant
Jason: Hi Uncle
Uncle 1: How's your new job
Jason: New job? Oh - you mean the one I got 7 months ago.
Uncle 1: Yeah. Is it good?
Jason: Yeah it's going well. Great people, great boss, interesting work.
Uncle 1: What do you do again?
Jason: I'm a market analyst
Jason sees non-comprehending look on Uncle 1's face and decides to elaborate
Jason: I uh, analyse things. Product performance etc. A bit of project work too
Uncle 1: So it's not accounting
Jason: No..
Uncle 1: Did you do accounting in uni?
Jason: No - I did finance and International Business Econo-
Uncle 1: You should've done accounting
Father interjects
Father: Justin is thinking of doing accounting
Uncle 1 looks over at Justin and nods approvingly
Uncle 1: Good boy.
A short time later
Act 2 Part II
Uncle 1: Do you have a girlfriend?
Jason: *Shakes head* No
Uncle 1: You never do
Auntie 2 joins in on cue
Auntie 2: Too bad you're not good looking like your brother. I bet he doesn't have trouble with the girls
Jason: *Grins and nods affably* He probably doesn't
Auntie 2: You know, people say that if you don't have a girlfriend when you graduate you'll find it very hard to get married
Jason: What
Auntie 2: It's true. You have to get them early while they're not taken.
Jason: Love is an earlybird special?
Auntie 2 ignores reply
Auntie 2: You didn't find a single girl you liked in UWA in all that time?
A small twinge inside Jason
Jason: A couple, but they didn't work out
Mom leaps forward to Jason's rescue
Mom: He doesn't have a girlfriend because he doesn't want one
Uncle 1 and Aunties look at Mom disbelievingly
Mom: Yeah, he's too irresponsible and self centered. All the girls would break up with him because he would neglect them.
Jason: Ah.
Auntie 2 renews assault
Auntie 2: You're always so serious. You should try to lighten up. Girls like funny guys you know
Jason: Oh
Uncle 1: Don't worry, you'll probably end up with a white girl right?
Cue Auntie 1. Auntie 1 makes a yuck face like she's bitten into a lemon, and shakes her head
Auntie 1: Don't marry a white girl. They sleep around and spend all your money
Jason winces slightly
Jason: Yeah
It may seem like I made this up, but those with Asian family have probably been on the receiving end of one of these conversations sometime in their lives. In their defence, they don't mean to be intentionally cruel -more a brutal honesty coupled with a disregard/ lack of understanding of the feelings of the recipient. The racism is also from the lack of any real understanding or interaction with Western women. It's a culture thing.
Also, of course the conversation is a little paraphrased - the actual conversation was a mix of English and Mandarin, coupled with Chinese cultural allusions that have no counterpart in the English language.
The more astute among you will notice that this was Act 2. There were three acts, each as hideous and awkward as the rest.
P.S - Contrary to what my account may suggest, my brother was not exempt from the same treatment. Apparently he's "getting fat" and is "too much like the white people".
This is about Tanya
I walked into the Subi Hotel,scanning around anxiously until I caught saw Her. Inside my chest, my heart skipped a beat. She was still as pretty as ever. I quickly turned around, my nervousness getting the better of me, lamely telling the guys it was time for a drink, but they would have none of that - they pushed me forward, the momentum propelling me a little closer, but not by much. My feet, disobeying the yammering voice in my head, kept me slowly walking forward, pushing past the throng of people whom were probably her friends. I didn't care. I only had eyes for her.
She caught sight of me, her eyes widening in surprise, her body shaking with glee, her silken floral dress shimmering around her like she was some sort of vivid, crazy, beautiful mirage, before jumping into my arms with utter abandon as I lifted her around. I didn't want to let go.
This is how I saw Tanya again after two years.
Tanya. A name spoken among my close circle of friends with a knowing look and wink, fingers tapping the side of their noses, as if to say, we know brother, we know. The Sally to my Harry, Juliet to Romeo, Cleopatra to Caesar, a curse and a gift that I want to rid of yet at the same time, never let go. Tanya. A name that conjures up so many different feelings that would take me weeks to sift through.
I first met her in the first couple of weeks of uni, at a terrible ASIA club freshman mixer that Ken had convinced Cor, Chris and myself to go to. I went because I wanted to hit on his then-girlfriend (a fact unknown to me at the time). I remember standing there, the group of us, a plastic cup of weak punch in my hand, wondering if they would play anything other than terrible R&B and hip hop. Two girls ran up to us, greeting Jo (Ken's then-girlfriend) with a wave and laugh. One of them turned around, saw the glowstick hanging off my necklace, and proceeded to play with it, making lightsaber noises and twirling it around as I looked on in equal parts amusement and confusion. As I pondered this, a R&B song started playing on the dance floor, sending the two girls into hysterics. The girl dropped my glowstick, grabbed my hand and dragged me to the dance floor, where I proceeded to flounder around hopelessly trying to dance for the next 3 to 4 minutes. She didn't know my name, and had only met me 2 minutes ago.
This is how I met Tanya.
We didn't see each other again until two weeks later, where we found ourselves in the same Asian Studies tute class, ironically also attended by John's future fiance (she left that year to study law in Notre Dame, where she still studies there today). She sat next to me and wrote me notes in class, and drew on my arm. I was bewildered - I'd only met her once before in my life, and she was already taking liberties with my body. We got to know each other. I found her full of life, a little miss sunshine whose vivaciousness and ability to take joy from anything quite unlike any other girl I'd ever met before. She found in me a kindred spirit, with a cheeky irreverence she hadn't found in anybody else.
One day I participated in a psych experiment (a pseudo compulsory, it was worth 20% of my psych grade), where the objective was to bombard the subject with insults or compliments for prolonged periods of time. As my luck would have it, I drew the bad, and for four hours I was bombarded with insults. You have no real friends, they are only using you. You are ugly. No one will ever love you. And you'd think it a simple matter to laugh it off, but for four hours? That was the point of course - it had to be long enough to record the effect on me. When the experiment was finished they sent me out without so much as a thank you have a nice fucking day. It was 4 o'clock, and I felt like the best thing I could do for humanity was to jump off a very tall building somewhere.
I desperately needed company, and called up all my friends, to no avail. They'd all gone home. There was never another moment where I desperately needed the company, and I was all alone. I wandered into the foodhall, by myself, resigned to somehow eat my sorrow away until my next and final class. There was a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, she was standing there. She greeted me with a smile, and when she saw how I was, she asked me what was wrong. I told her. She sat down with me, and even though she didn't have any more class, and it was dark and late, and she could've gone home, she kept me company until my next class, slowly cheering me up until I no longer felt like the most useless appendage of the student body. The next day, she ran up to me in between classes and passed me a handwritten note (to which I still have today). It said:
1)Your friends are not using you, they only think about using you
2) When you do fail, it's always with immense grace and dignity
3) You, me and Natalie Portman..use your imagination!
Hugs and kisses, Tanya.
This is how I fell for Tanya.
Of course, there were a great many things in between and after, but that was the day that would have a profound impact on my life from then until now. She got me in ways no other girl did. Some girls were offended by my trademark sex jokes and pseudo-sleaziness - when she was living in Japan, she mailed me all the explicit porno ads she received in her mail. She'd even translated them for me. What others took as arrogance, she correctly interpreted as self deprecation. I didn't have to censor my jokes not to offend her. I didn't have to dress like a pretty boy to look good in her eyes. She didn't care that I was at times a total dork. I loved Star Wars and Natalie Portman, so did she. She understood me, perhaps not entirely, but more than any other girl ever has.
You're probably wondering, if she's so goddamn perfect, why didn't you ask her out? She'd been seeing this guy since high school. Longterm. And while I would've given anything in the world to have a chance at her, I'm also too honourable a gentleman to ever cut another man's lunch, no matter how much I wanted to. So instead I tried to distance myself from her, because I knew I could never find someone else while she was still in my life. I went out, asked other girls out. Went on a few dates, that sort of thing. But inevitably I found myself comparing every girl I met to her, and in that regard found them wanting. Of course, those I found that were unlike Tanya yet I was attracted to ended up dumping me anyway, so I guess it doesn't really make a difference. How do you find another person as unique as Tanya? Hell, how the hell do you find a girl that can put up with someone as unique as me?
That's why I hadn't seen her in two years (barring this?). I never stopped thinking about her though. I picked up the phone to call her a few times, but I always chickened out in the end. I reasoned that if I didn't see her again, she would fade into a distant memory. And that kind of worked...until one day 2 weeks ago, when she sent me an email out of the blue to tell me she's moving to Singapore, and that she was having drinks at the Subi Hotel to see everyone off. So I went. I had to.
I burned every image and sensation of her into my memory that night, the way she danced, her hair plastered on her forehead from her exuberant dancing. The way she smiled and laughed, our faces so close I almost leant over to kiss her. The feel of her and her silk dress in my arms, the flowery scent she had, and the sound of her voice in my ear. Memories to last me a lifetime, though even now the memory has faded, if only a little - less real somehow.
This is how I'll remember Tanya.
And this is the first and last time I'll post about Tanya.
Goodnight.
P.S - Pete, Dan, Brendan - you guys totally had my back out there when I needed the support the most, and for that I'll always be grateful. You are my brothers.
lesbians
At the Subi Hotel:
Savia: "So Jason, are you still into lesbians?"
Me: "Fuck yes"
