poetry in commotion...

Easter Conversations

 

As is usual in my family, and in many families, Easter is a time of family, food and good company.  And as usual, seeing my extended family over Easter marks another staple of my family gathering - the interrogation, a checklist of questions and callous cruelty that makes dinner an exercise in temperament control.  Longtime readers will no doubt spot them.  A well rehearsed play of sorts - observe:

Act 2 Part I - The Dinner:

Dinner time, enter cast of family.  They all sit down.

Uncle 1 leans over and prods Jason, a little roughly.

 

Uncle 1: Hey.

Jason looks at the assailant

Jason: Hi Uncle

Uncle 1: How's your new job

Jason: New job? Oh - you mean the one I got 7 months ago.

Uncle 1: Yeah.  Is it good?

Jason: Yeah it's going well.  Great people, great boss, interesting work.    

Uncle 1: What do you do again?

Jason: I'm a market analyst

Jason sees non-comprehending look on Uncle 1's face and decides to elaborate

Jason: I uh, analyse things.  Product performance etc.  A bit of project work too

Uncle 1: So it's not accounting

Jason: No..

Uncle 1: Did you do accounting in uni?

Jason: No - I did finance and International Business Econo-

Uncle 1: You should've done accounting

Father interjects

Father: Justin is thinking of doing accounting

Uncle 1 looks over at Justin and nods approvingly

Uncle 1: Good boy.

 

A short time later

 

Act 2 Part II

Uncle 1: Do you have a girlfriend?

Jason: *Shakes head* No

Uncle 1: You never do

Auntie 2 joins in on cue

Auntie 2: Too bad you're not good looking like your brother.  I bet he doesn't have trouble with the girls

Jason: *Grins and nods affably* He probably doesn't

Auntie 2: You know, people say that if you don't have a girlfriend when you graduate you'll find it very hard to get married

Jason: What

Auntie 2: It's true. You have to get them early while they're not taken.

Jason: Love is an earlybird special?

Auntie 2 ignores reply

Auntie 2:  You didn't find a single girl you liked in UWA in all that time?

A small twinge inside Jason

Jason: A couple, but they didn't work out

Mom leaps forward to Jason's rescue

Mom: He doesn't have a girlfriend because he doesn't want one

Uncle 1 and Aunties look at Mom disbelievingly

Mom: Yeah, he's too irresponsible and self centered.  All the girls would break up with him because he would neglect them.

Jason: Ah. 

Auntie 2 renews assault

Auntie 2: You're always so serious.  You should try to lighten up.  Girls like funny guys you know

Jason: Oh

Uncle 1: Don't worry, you'll probably end up with a white girl right?

Cue Auntie 1.  Auntie 1 makes a yuck face like she's bitten into a lemon, and shakes her head

Auntie 1: Don't marry a white girl.  They sleep around and spend all your money

Jason winces slightly

Jason: Yeah

 

It may seem like I made this up, but those with Asian family have probably been on the receiving end of one of these conversations sometime in their lives.  In their defence, they don't mean to be intentionally cruel -more a brutal honesty coupled with a disregard/ lack of understanding of the feelings of the recipient.  The racism is also from the lack of any real understanding or interaction with Western women. It's a culture thing. 

 Also, of course the conversation is a little paraphrased - the actual conversation was a mix of English and Mandarin, coupled with Chinese cultural allusions that have no counterpart in the English language.

The more astute among you will notice that this was Act 2.  There were three acts, each as hideous and awkward as the rest.

 

P.S - Contrary to what my account may suggest, my brother was not exempt from the same treatment.  Apparently he's "getting fat" and is "too much like the white people".

posted by jaseypoo! @ 8:13 PM