amor
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."
Neil Gaiman wrote this in American Gods, and I always remember this when I think about love. Who hasn't felt those exact feelings? You can't choose who you love anymore than you can choose whether the sun rises or sets in the morning. And yet... yet despite all the heartbreak, the grief, the pain, we yearn for it. It's the missing piece of our heart. We were born in the presence of another, and we long for that touch the moment we left the womb.
It's the search for that...something.. to immerse yourself in. Love is the desire to return to that place where we felt so safe, so protected, so happy. And when love is found, it's the desire to preserve that love, through the pain and joy of children.
"Down with love!", we'd say in pain, our hearts broken by unfeeling word and insensitive deed. And maybe we do mean that, for a little while. But then we run back into the arms of another, and the cycle begins anew.
Unequited love is a curse I wish upon my enemy. Let him suffer the pain of rejection, the lonely walk home, the unfilled spaces. Let him scream with an ache no salve nor pill can heal.
Happy union I wish upon my brothers, for no greater joy exists than a person who knows that, somewhere, is another who lives and breathes on the strength of his joys and pains, just as much as he lives and breathes on the strength of theirs.
Heh. Hey. I say the three words I couldn't say when I held you in my arms.
I love you.
posted by jaseypoo! @ 8:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home