poetry in commotion...

God's gonna cut you down

Well it's been two weeks since the reunion, and I can safely say, to my disappointment, not much has changed. Half the school that was the "good" group moved on, got educated/employed. The other half, with the jocks, sluts and their general "too cool for school" attitude had stayed that way. So pretty much each half socialised with themselves. Very disappointing. I spent half of the night by myself watching ESPN paintball to be honest, don't count on me to go to the next reunion, even though it was my idea to go to this one. Though apparently I'm more mature and stylish, according to several girls. Which means that I was terribly dressed and immature in high school. Hah! The only real highlight of the night was an altercation with one inebriated person who had an issue with me destroying our valuable river ecosystem. Long story.

One problem I've been having recently is the increasing disconnect in my language between work and play. That is, corporatespeak vs pub language. At work, conversations and meetings revolve around corporate buzzwords, like "touch base", "value adding" and "critical deliverables". At the pub, the buzzwords are more like "wank", "I" and of course, "cunt". More and more it seems like I'm building divergent personalities in the way I act and talk to people. I've always tended to change the way I talk depending on who I talk to, but increasingly this has expanded to include interests, thinking and actions, though the core, dare I say, boyish, aspect of me remains true to both. On one hand, the corporate me thinks of building excellence, achieving objectives. I read the Financial Review, the Australian and the Economist (granted I used to read them before, but not as much). Yet on the other, with the guys, I've taken interest in sports (gasp!), both watching AND playing. I think about organising the guys for games of cricket, or kicking the footy. I've just started Soo Bahk Do lessons with Pete. More active is the word. And although I've been doing all these things before, amplifying the contradictory sides of me would be a more accurate way to call it. I guess maybe I'm becoming a more well rounded person. I feel myself going through great changes that began the day I finished uni, just like the changes during uni and high school. And while I think I've reached that age where a sense of me, who I am, what kind of person I am, has already been reached and understood, I feel that the way I go about living with this identity is something I'm still exploring. I feel like I'm becoming a better person. Even if I still say things to women like "You can vote now, isn't that enough" and call Indians "currymunchers". I guess some parts of me will never change :P Isn't it weird?

That said, during a meeting today I was absentmindedly doodling in my notebook while listening to the discussion. When the meeting finished, I looked more closely at what I'd drawn. While I wouldn't call it a penis, it was unmistably (in my eyes anyway) phallic in nature. That's not all. As I walked to the busport after work, I was thinking about the guys (if we were going to do something this weekend etc). As I did so, I started unconciously singing (quietly), I Touch Myself by the Divinyls. Now to sing that anywhere in public while sober is a crime in itself, but while thinking about the guys? My mom was right, lower your guard and the gays will get you. There I did it again. Someone needs to kick me :P

By the way, in response to the comments in the previous post, yes I have a myspace account, and have had for quite some time now. Here it is. As you can see, it's still a little work in progress.

posted by jaseypoo! @ 9:39 PM