Everyone around me seems to be finding boyfriends, girlfriends, or in one case, a fuck buddy, while I stand in the middle and imagine myself at a table where I'm the odd one out in the evens stevens nightmare we call the couples table. Cupid has a terrible aim :P
Anyway, today at work was the scene of an oh-to-be-young-again event of teenage love. One of the apprentice bakers, Tristan, a boy who's foul mouth and rude demeanour hid a shy boy forced into a protective shell by the macho-male way of life in a male dominated trade at the early age of 16. Turns out he had fallen for one of the sales staff, and had wanted to give her a token of his affection before she left for a couple months on a trip around Europe. After awhile of coaxing him out of his shy inner shell by calling him a coward and a loser, the production team and myself all chipped in to help him with his confession. The production team managed to push him into buying some flowers and chocolate, while I wrote for him a suitably sappy, yet tongue in cheek, love poem. He came back (a nervous rack) just before she started work to give her his gifts, while I slapped him on the back and chanted motivational slogans. When she finally arrived, and he nervously gave her his offerings, I helpfully started chanting schoolyard rhymes and pointing out how they were both blushing to customer and staff alike. I'm a helping person.
Oh, I came down with a mild fever yesterday, and worked through it. Fun.
Hi my name is Jason. This is not about my immense dissatisfaction with my job. This is not about how I was
probably an asshole on Saturday night, but I don't really remember. This is not about a subject most of you don't care about.
This is about love.
Love is that intangible emotion that we all look for, somewhere in our lives. Love of money, love of women. Love of our jobs, and love of the times when we're not at our jobs. Love when its the blues, love when it's rock and roll. Love is the immense joy you get when you're with someone special, and the plummeting lows that we experience when we're not.
Love to me, seems like leasing a rental property. You can't possibly love everyone, but the ones that do, you lend them space in your heart. It's like a little home inside of you. Some take up a lot of room, some take up less than others. Its always a joy when someone new moves in, and always sad when someone moves out. I think thats what the huge hollowness in our hearts is, when someone especially important to us leaves. We feel the empty space inside, where they used to reside. And the time for our heals to hurt, we walk inside that huge space they left in our hearts every once in awhile, and see the little things they left behind, and cherish them. And we walk in and out, first day after day, then by week, then perhaps months, until one day we can take down those things they left behind, store them somewhere safe, and let someone new in.
Sometimes, the people we thought had left for good return, and in the place in your heart, the house of your soul, you find out that, well, they never really left at all. That the room was just as they'd left it, a little bit dustier perhaps, but still there. Or even worse, you've kept the room as they've left it, waiting for their return, and as a result a bunch of neat people wait outside, unable to come in. That's my house. I walk around this house I call my heart, and I notice several rooms that remain, waiting for that person to come back. I say I'm waiting for someone amazing to enter my life, but maybe I'm just waiting for the old ones to come back. Its stupid, and its embarassing, that I would hold a torch out in this cold night on the slim hope that I'll be walking on my lonesome in the rain, and I'll bump into someone from the past. But sometimes it happens. It's a premise that's been seen in the movies. You bump into someone that will leave an indelible mark on you, no matter the years, or distance. I don't want to hang around like some lovestruck fool, waiting. That's why I busy myself with books, movies, the companionship of great friends and family, the activities of my leisure. I'm really just trying not to recognise that in my moments of solitude, and inevitably, introspection, I'm just missing them like crazy.
PBF, How I love you
FOOD FIGHT
So I broke my "one post a week" promise, but to be honest when my life isn't being taken up by real life concerns, its busy voraciously devouring every book in sight. I love reading, what can I say? Which is why I am compleyely lovestruck by the massive book
superstore that opened in perth a couple of weeks ago, named Borders. That place is huge, and packed with books of any kind. Best of all, there's a Glorai Jeans cafe inside the store, where you can sit and read while enjoying a cup of gourmet yuppie coffee as you read fad books like
The Da Vinci Code and marvel at what a great book it is like so many milions of others, not realising that the writing is amateurish, the pacing is terrible and the author is a skilless hack. I seem to attack everything don't I? I make no apology that I'm a terribly opinionated person. I accept this because unlike many other opinionated people, I am willing to change opinions when proven wrong. To be honest, when I make fun of something you like, I'm not attacking you, Im' attacking the
source of it in front of you. Don't see the difference? I do. Theres a world of distinction to me. However, thats natural for a person like me who delights in wordplay, semantics and other such interests of the linguophile. What am I reading you ask? I'm currently reading Tales of The Foundling, a delightful book I bought from Borders, where to be honest, I judged the book by its delightful cover. And so far, I'm really enjoying it.
I've also decided to stop bitching about my job and rechannel the negative energy into positive energy.
"
The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven".
An excellent quote by John Milton in Paradise Lost, but it summarises what I'm thinking. My parents convinced me to stay at my job another 4 -6 months and see how it goes, and I'm not stupid enough to disregard their advice. There are great things about my job, and who knows, things might actually change. Of course I'm too much of a cynic for that, but sometimes strange things happen.
I also picked up "
At War with the Mystics", the new album by The Flaming Lips last sunday. Haven't had a quiet time to sit down and listen to it, but I have high hopes for it.
